whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
