i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
