I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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