is your mom at the bar?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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