If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
