fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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