I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think your dad took our porno
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
