I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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