textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
