She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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