he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
