She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
time to smoke my breakfast
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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