I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
