it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
