Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
