Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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