It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
