Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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