Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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