I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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