she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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