Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize