His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
