Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
