he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
