I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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