I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
