does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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