I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
