honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
