Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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