I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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