I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
