Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
