i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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