Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
