I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
