well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
