does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
