I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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