Only a mothe r could love this liver
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
