can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
