That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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