WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
