I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
