The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sarcasm needs its own font
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
