yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
