Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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