also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
