im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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