tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My feet surprised me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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