Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
