I hate all girls vehemently.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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