I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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