I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
