Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
