i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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