Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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