Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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