if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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