I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
