In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
