when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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