just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
