Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
