The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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