last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
