hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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