A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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