Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
