This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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