Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
